Waaaaaaaax

I love 'wax' - as in the flat black vinyl type. Don't like it so much when it's the horrible brown sh*t that clogs up your ear canals. For the last week I've had a big lump of the stuff lodged in my left lug'ole leaving me pretty much deaf on one side. Daily doses of Otex couldn't shift it so yesterday I made an appointment for syringing at the doctors. I'm all cleaned out now and feeling good again. It's amazing how sh*t it can make you feel having your ear blocked for a week. Most of my evenings are usually spent listening to music and for the past seven days I haven't been able to enjoy it at all. Today my hearing is crystal clear again so the latest vinyl purchases are getting banged out hard. Marco Polo & Torae's "Double Barrel", Blaq Poet's "The Blaqprint", Soulbrova's "Collectors Item" albums and the Soundsci "Dig For Victory" EP are all getting heavy rotation on the turntables...

So, whilst partially deaf I decided to pull out some of the strangest wax from the racks - the sort of stuff I don't really listen to but for one reason or another have decided to keep. Some for the appreciation of graphic design, some for the novelty value and others purely for the odd curio appeal. No MP3s included - you really don't need to hear any of these records - hopefully you can enjoy the sleeve and label artwork and use your imagination as to the content of the vinyl...


Pretty Talk (196? Caperns flexidisc)

First up is one of my favourites - "The record that teaches your budgie to talk!". Possibly one the most pointless records ever produced. As it says on the back - "On side one there are four simple phrases: 'Pretty Boy', 'Clever Little Boy', 'Good Morning' and 'Mama's Little Treasure'. each phrase takes up one band. In between each phrase there is a short silence period which allows you to lift the pick-up and play the phrase over and over again. Remember, don't teach your budgie a new phrase until he has learnt the previous one". Side two includes three more phrases as well as a demonstration by Sparkie 'the champion talking budgerigar' (who is quite obviously NOT a budgie at all, more like some lunatic telling nursery rhymes through a weird voice effects unit).

Now maybe I'm missing something here, but surely it would be far easier to simply repeat the phrases yourself rather than make the effort to take a record out, put it on the turntable and keep needle dropping back to the beginning every time a particular section ends?!! I dunno, seems a bit pointless to me. Anyway...the reason I love this record is purely for the artwork which was designed by Robert Sharp and Partners. I very much doubt I would have even contemplated buying a 'teach your budgie to talk' record without the cover's appeal...




Front (click to enlarge)




Back (click to enlarge)




Label (click to enlarge)


Slimming Matters (196? Limmits flexidisc)

Another flexidisc which I'm presuming would have been a giveaway in a magazine or something similar. No sleeve with this one, instead the artwork is paste across the entire face of side B. And again, it's the graphic design that grabbed my attention and made this a 'keeper' record. In fact, it's not so much the graphic design alone, but the fact it's paste onto the actual record - don't think I've got anything remotely similar.




B-side (click to enlarge)




Label (click to enlarge)


Play Time (196? Hammond Organ flexidisc)

Issued by the Hammond Organ Company, this little flexi is a "Capsule demonstration of how easily you and every member of your family can learn to play the Hammond Spinet Organ' with spoken word accompaniment on side A, and a medley of 'your favourite tunes' by Keith Beckingham on the flip. I 'spose there's some samplable moments on the A side but really I've kept this for the artwork and (gatefold) packaging more than anything. Nice colour combo, bold, fun typography and nice use of images...




Front (click to enlarge)




Back (click to enlarge)




Inside (click to enlarge)




Label (click to enlarge)


Heart Sounds (196? Leo Pharmaceutical Products)

I bought this from the same charity shop I copped my most prized bizarro 45 - the Canesten 'Visiona' record I wrote about here. A combination of potential spoken word sample fodder and lovely sleeve artwork secured the 25p asking price. I've never come across more elaborate packaging for a seven inch single - housed in both an outer sleeve with a three way fold out inner tucked inside, all finished with beautiful illustration and crisp graphic design. The content of the record is about as dull as you can imagine - buh-bump...buh-bump...buh-bump - as the title suggests, it's recordings of various heart beat rates, and that's it. I'm guessing it was an educational record given to medical students in the mid-sixties - I can't imagine anyone would have actually bought this!




Front (click to enlarge)




Back (click to enlarge)




Inside (click to enlarge)




Inside (click to enlarge)




Inside (click to enlarge)




Label (click to enlarge)


Economics For Everyone (196? Luxaflex)

It states on the sleeve of this package 'best-selling record', which either makes this a re-issue or a rather optimistic piece of forward thinking by the manufacturer. I think the latter is probably more true. Anyway, a very strange one to make it onto vinyl...surely reading about this sort of thing would be far more insightful than a 10 minute audio lecture? Again, this was a very cheap, 'pence' record I picked up for the packaging more than anything so the content doesn't play too much on my mind. Lovely illustration set across four sides of a gatefold sleeve...




Front (click to enlarge)




Back (click to enlarge)




Inside (click to enlarge)




Inside (click enlarge)




Label (click to enlarge)


Congratulations, You've Got The Job (198? Dolland & Aitchinson)

Judging by the stunning front cover of this album I would have placed it around the late '60s, early '70s and the publishing date of 1972 on the back at first seems to confirm this. However, the liner notes give details of company history up until 1980 so this must have been issued sometime in the early part of that decade. I'm presuming it was originally produced in 1972 but they stuck with the front cover design for later runs, adding and amending company history on the back. What I love about this album, apart from the amazing photography, is the fact that Dolland and Aitchison actually sent successful job applicants a record along with a congratulatory letter (amusingly explained within the first minute or so of the spoken word introduction). It's a funny old album, with company training included amongst a few standard classical pieces of music, nothing exciting, but still. Enjoy the cover.




Front (click to enlarge)




Back (click to enlarge)




Label (click to enlarge)


The Man (1972 Birds Eye Recording Company)

'A Tribute To James Parratt CBE' is an album that was recorded by colleages of the Chairman of Birds Eye to commemorate his retirement in 1972. A combination of oddball comedy music intertwined with amusing anecdotes, it comes off sounding kind of Monty Pythonish and actually, is genuinely very funny in places. I should imagine these were pressed up and given out to members of staff at a lavish fairwell party before being banished to the backs of cupboards, attics and garages after a couple of novelty plays. Great artwork on both the sleeve and labels...




Front (click to enlarge)




Back (click to enlarge)




Label (click to enlarge)


Seamanship In Small Craft (197? J.B. Recordings)

A guide to 'safety at sea for amateur boat owners' is pretty self explanatory but the contents of this record hold absolutely no interest to me since I don't own a boat and have no plans of buying one anytime soon. I do love the graphic design on the cover though, especially the little logo section in the bottom right hand corner of the back - I've included a detailed scan below...




Front (click to enlarge)




Back (click to enlarge)




Back detail (click to enlarge)




Label (click to enlarge)


Right, that's it for now. I did have another half a dozen or so records scanned in but dragging these images down to the bottom each time is driving me mad. I'll post the others up on a later date.

Whilst writing this I've listened to the entire 'Double Barrel' album two times straight and have gotta say, is possibly the best hardcore Rap LP recorded this decade. Marco Polo, in my opinion, is the most consistant and hard hitting Boom-Bap producer out right now and Torae sounds hungry as f*ck. The balance of cameos is just right and DJ Revolution's cuts are on some next level ish - funky as hell and tighter than ever. Go out and buy this album people - don't download (for free or through Itunes or whatever), go and buy the vinyl. Support Hip-Hop. Matter of fact, go out and buy all those records I mentioned in the first paragraph - they are all worth your hard earned cash.